Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
