Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
