I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sober January is a disaster.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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