:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
