I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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