I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
