Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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