Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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