I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
