So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
