Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
