is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
