i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
