I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
