if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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