Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
