That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
