he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
