If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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