I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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