she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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