Screwed.edu
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
