just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize