So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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