I love black thongs
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
