I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
