dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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