Can i not drive my cunt home
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
