she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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