Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am one with the molecules
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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