New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Randomize
