I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I fill condoms, not promises.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
