pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
