So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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