Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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