I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize