I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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