True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
