I think scott just propositioned me for sex
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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