yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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