Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
