The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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