420 ftw
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
