Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
