if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
