A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
