; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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