Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize