I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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