Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
