all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
