My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
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