i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
