nut hugger
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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