what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just googled if crying burns calories
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
