I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
