What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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