I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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