I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize