Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
