There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
