I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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