shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
