So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
