I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
