you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
